Listen, My Children...

Every Little Helps

Thursday, May 06, 2004

The Evil SUV


People keep mentioning the Heinz-Kerry family's three SUVs. That's important because, you see, it's impossible to be an environmentalist and drive an evil, gas-guzzling SUV. Because, as we all know, SUVs have gas mileage roughly equivalent to that of a tank.

My mother's anti-environment SUV gets about 20mpg. Same with my sister's and my grandmother's, so I assume it's standard. (We live in Texas, my father is the leader of a camp-happy boy scout troop, and my grandparents are ranchers, so it's either SUV or truck; we're not the "I need an SUV to get to the grocery store!" types.) From what I hear, there are pretty strict minimum standards for SUV gas mileage.

By comparison, my old environment-friendly two-door got 16mpg on a good day, and 12-13 more often than not. There were no campaigns to get it banned or taxed extra, no activists keyed or spraypainted it or put save-the-world fliers on it, and Nader could have cared less (he probably liked it; made in America).

This makes me wonder: what's the average gas mileage of the 1978 Fords most activists seem to drive? Wouldn't they be saving the environment by switching to an SUV?

(Disclaimers: I'd still like the SUV thing to hurt Kerry's campaign, but more from the "I don't own it, my family does" than from the ownership itself -- although useful idiots are always welcome. Additionally, my current sedan gets 30mpg on the highway, and I really like the Toyota Prius. I still think the SUV-haters haven't thought things out, though.)

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